Breathing a Little Easier

Greetings to All

This has been a journey as many of you know, is one that has had its ups and downs,
sometimes it feels like we are running down hill, more that up, but God is good and has been so faithful to our little family that we will continue to give Him thanks and praise for his faithfulness. I wanted to give you all a little update on my day today. I had found this organization called, "It's My Heart" about a month back. It is a non-profit organization that is out there to support children, adults, and families who are living with Congenital Heart Defects. They have a great website if you would like to check it out it is www.itsmyheart.org they also have a forum where people can post messages and get feed back from survivors and families. As many of you know my luck on the internet has not been very fruitful in terms of positive feed back or stories, well a guy named Jeff responded to my post concerning any advice or good things to know about going into surgery at Texas Children's hospital. Jeff has a 14 month old son who has had two open heart surgeries at Texas Childrens, so Jeff has had his fair share of experiences at Texas Children's. Our children have different heart defects, but we will share similar expereinces and emotions in the fact that we will watch our children being rolled off into an operation room and having to trust them to someone else care. Jeff sent me a message explaining his situation and said to give him a call that it would be easier to explain over the phone. WOW, what a blessing this guy was, is and probably will continue be to our little family. Just very down to earth, very clear, and very very informative, not to mention very positive! God plucked him right out of the sky for this little cajun boy! He walked me through the process step by step and gave me some really good, "what to expects." He also told me that he had heard Dr. Salazar, who is the surgeon who will be operating on Cate, speak at an "It's My Heart" monthly meeting and he said that he was awesome. Extremely intelligent and very empathetic. I thank God today for Jeff and his family!
I had called this morning to find out what EXACTLY they were doing in the surgery, because Ali and I still didn't totally understand, as terrible as that sounds, its simply the truth. We have just kinda put our faces to the wind lately and tried to just keep our family above water, but Ali and I were talking last night and we both were like, I don't really know what they are going to do, I mean, I know they are going to "repair" her heart, but what does that mean? So this morning I called our nurse Laura and she explained as much as she could to me, and said that she would have Dr. Salazar contact me later in the week, well, he called me within 2 hours of Laura and I talking. He has a WONDERFUL bedside manner and was very clear and very positive on Cate's condition and surgery. Dr. Salazar said that on a scale of one to ten, ten being the most severe, Cate is a three or four, he said, "Now, this is a serious surgery, its still open heart surgery, but we have alot experience with this and our success rate is one of the top in the country. He said that the surgery should take around 4 hours, half an hour of prep, three hours of surgery, and half an hour tear down. He said that he is very hopeful that this is the only surgery Cate will ever have to have. Now, there is no garuntee to that but he seems pretty confident in his work and the success he has seen with this operation. He also said that Cate might only be in ICU for one or two nights, then on the cardio floor for a three or four days and then she would be discharged. He said that he would want us to stick around for three or four days and then we go home. He said, "Look, you know if your baby is sick, if Cate is not acting right, just call me and if you need will come back here and see me. It was a wonderful conversation and I feel just a little more at peace about trusting this total stranger with the precious gift of our daughter.
Jeff, the dad I spoke to this morning, told me about a website that he found very helpful and after looking at it I had a MUCH better understanding of what Dr. Salazar is going to do on Cate's heart. I wanted to share it with you all
so that you too could have a better understanding of Tetralogy and the surgical repair they are going to do. Above the diagram of the heart their are the words Flash Movie, if you click that you can actually see a a diagram of a normal
heart and a diagram of a Tetralogy heart right next to each other. There is an arrow button at the bottom that points to the right, this will move you through a series of slides that shows the repair that the surgery will do.

http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/health/heart-encyclopedia/anomalies/tof.htm

It was wonderful to have two very positive experiences today. Are we still nervous, YES, are their days that I want to shake my finger at God and give him a piece of my mind YES, and if I could spare a piece I might, but I can't I need every little bit of it I have right now, so I don't. But today God, you gave this little family another break, at least for today, and you know what, I'll take it! Thank you for your faithfulness to our family and for knowing what we need to hear and hand picking the people to deliever it. We praise and thank you again for your faithfulness. I surrender my family to you and we, Ali, Ella, Dude and I, lift our daughter and sister Cate to you in sweet surrender! Amen

Surgery Date Set

Greets to all! Well, we have a surgery date set!!!! Texas Children's got back with us recently and said that June 6th will be Cate's surgery date. It was a joyful and difficult day with just the reality of what our beautiful little girl will have to go through, but at the same time knowing that we have a date and the first leg of this journey will be through is comforting. The nurse that I spoke to said that we will go in on June 5th, we will meet the surgeon, they will do some testing on Cate to make sure that she is up for surgery, and then they will admit her in order to begin preparing her for surgery the next morning. After surgery she will be in intensive care for 2 or 3 days and then moved to the cardio floor for another 4 or 5 days for monitoring. After that she will be discharged and we will stay in Houston for another week, just in case something should happen we are close to the hospital. Our hope is to stay at the Ronald McDonald house which is just right down the road from the Hospital, it is very inexpensive, close to the hospital, they have shuttles to and from the hospital, and hey, who doesn't like McDonald's? So, it looks like we will be in Houston for a couple of weeks at least at the beginning of June. Cate is doing wonderful! She is eating baby food now and loves it, and again, she is a Cantrell, we all love food. She is getting bigger by the day, kinda like her dad, and is probably our most joyful baby yet. She is such a special kid and so joyful, we are blessed to have her as a part of our family. While in the hosptial I will be undating Cate's Blog on a daily basis so please keep up with her progress and keep her and her family in your prayers. I spoke with a Family life specialist at Texas Children's who gave me some really good suggestions on how to talk to our other two rugrats and I feel much more confident in how we will handle them regarding the sisters heart defect and her surgery. I put up some new pictures of her and the other two on our flickr account, www.flickr.com/photos/cantrellkids check them out if you get a chance. Thank you for all the prayers and support, we feel them and appreciate them. She is not out of the woods yet, so please do not stop. We love you all and appreciate you so much!

Just some feelings

Greetings all, I am sitting at my desk trying to work and just having a difficult time focusing. Its just one of those days, they don't come that often but when they do they are difficult. To be honest this blog is not going to be that informative as much as it will be expressive, probably more for myself than for you the reader of just what is going on in my heart.
Ali and I had a date Tuesday night and it was AWESOME, good food, good wine (always a great ingredient to a date night), amazing company, and great conversation. We were sitting outside one of our favorite restaurants chatting about our kids, how much we love them, how different they are, how much they love each other, how different they love each other and how differently (not in a less than more than sense) we love them. We got onto Cate and her relationship, as simply as it is, with Dude, and my heart was just overwhelmed with love. I love my children more than words will ever be able to express. I love them very uniquely because they are very unique individually and require to be loved in different ways. Ella, just makes me laugh, she is all girl, and ALL my wife made over. Dude, is what my mother probably prayed I would have as retribution for the years of hell I put her through. And then there is Cate who I just feel a special connection with right now. Her and I can sit up in bed and "talk" and she just smiles and coos back at me. I feel like I can make her smile like no one else, whether that is true or not is irrelevant really. I can't get enough of her right now. I want to kiss and hold and love on her all the time, not to say I don't want to do that with my other two, but they are often too busy with "their own lives" or each other. For the sake of ending this rambling I just love that little girl!
Today I took her to get her ridiculously over priced shot that she must get once a month to prevent RSV and as I sat in the Doctors office my heart was just overwhelmed with sadness at the thought of what this precious little girl will have to endure. It’s difficult to think of doctors stopping her heart and putting her on a heart/lung bypass machine to keep her other organs functioning and for hours operating on her little heart and then the weeks and weeks of recovery she will have to endure. I went looking on the internet for solace, probably my first mistake, and found some book of mother’s essays of children with Congenital Heart Defects. There was this one story I knew I shouldn't have started reading as soon as I read the title, but I did anyway. This woman’s child was born with a serious heart defect and the child ended up not making it. As I sat at my desk with tears streaming down my face, ok more like a quiet sobbing, my heart just broke at even the thought of having to say, "goodbye." Now, Cate does not have the same defect as that child nor is her case severe by any means. But it is a potential reality we must face.
The only thing that continued coming to heart repeatedly was, "My grace is sufficient" and I know this, I want to believe this with all of my heart, but today my humanity struggles. It does not struggle with the, "Why Cate?" or "Why me?" it just hurts and is fearful of what is to come. But, what Cate has taught me and what I am wrapping my life around right now is to just enjoy today. I have today, the surgery is not today, we don't have to make any drastic decisions today, we just have to enjoy our family, today, with all of its craziness.
God has been revealing to my heart that I need to give Cate back to Him, not only in death, but in life. I have wrestled with this thought for quite a while now, but its time I start. My spiritual director posed the question to me as I shared these words that I felt God was telling me, "When was she ever NOT His?" To which I said, that looks real good on the pages of a Theology book, but when it’s played out in real life its different, but in the end his question was true. I think God is trying to teach me something about my fatherhood, that I must on a daily basis give my family back to Him, not only in moments of crisis, but everyday, so that when those moments of crisis come, I respond not in fear or desperation, but naturally. So, today Lord, I give my family to you today, I give Ali, Ella, Dude, and yes even Cate over to your divine protection and love. I entrust them to you and I trust that you will give me what I need to be a husband and father to them. I love you Lord, help me to Love you more.

Good News Tempered with Reality

Greetings to all! Well, we arrived home from our appointments at Texas Children's hospital yesterday evening and I promised you guys an update. First and foremost, thank you all for the prayers and support, our family could not do it without yall. It is truly overwhelming to Ali and I the way that our family and friends have rallied with wagons around us during this difficult journey.
We got to the hospital about 8:30am and we're quickly brought to the back where Cate would be sedated for her testing. She was a little cranky because she hadn't eaten since 4:30am, you know us Cantrell's, you can take alot away from us, but don't mess with our food. She took the medicine like a champ and within minutes was sleeping like a baby, haha, cause she IS A BABY! We were then taken to the room where the Echocardiogram would be performed, the gentleman who did the testing was very nice and explained everything we were looking at, and somehow we still didn't always understand his medical lingo, but we definitely had a better idea of what was going on. Cate was originally diagnosed with Tetralogy of Fallot and an Incomplete AV canal. After the echo yesterday they were able to determine that she did not have Incomplete AV canal and the her Tetraology was a mild form, all good news for which we thank and praise God, who is so faithful!!! After about an hour of taking pictures of her heart they finished up the Echo and quickly did an EKG on her. By this time the sedation was starting to wear off and she was waking up. We brought her back to the room where they gave her medicine originally and she was able to eat. She quickly sucked down a cold bottle, bless her heart and went back to sleep. They then took a couple of chest X-rays and ushered us into and examination room where we were going to meet with the Cardiologist. He came in and sat down with us and began explaining all the results of Cate's tests. He was very clear about what was going on and like any good cardiologist drew us some pictures on a napkin. He then said we could begin the process of scheduling Cate for surgery. Because she is doing so well there is no immediate rush to surgery, which we were grateful to hear. We asked what surgery would entail and he began explaining the process. Since, Cate's birth we have always "known" that she would have to have surgery. It was just alot different yesterday hearing the seriousness of the surgery. It’s hard to hear the stark reality of what will happen to your child and what she will have to go through at such a young age.
We felt good as we left that we had a plan and that things were going to get rolling to get baby Cate's heart working better. But, it was a quiet ride home for Ali and I. It is just so much to rap your head around that it truly seems overwhelming at moments. We learned yesterday that Cate will spend 3 to 4 weeks in the hospital in Texas and that is if everything goes smoothly. That the shock on her body will take longer to get over than we had originally thought, realized, or allowed ourselves to think about. We have sheltered Ella and Dude from Cate's condition because we did not feel that it was something that they needed to worry their 4 and 3 year old minds about, right now. Well, now we have to let them in, age appropriately, because Mommy, Daddy, and Cate, will not be around everyday, as they have been. Questions began to fill my mind, Where will we stay, what will I do about my job, what about our other two children, how will they deal with this, how will Cate's little heart and body handle the surgery? All questions that have to be answered in due time. Ali and I sat in the quiet of trying to process all of this as we drove home yesterday. We know that the answers will come in their right time. We know that God will give us the wisdom to make the right decisions for Cate, for Ella and Dude, and for each other. It is a gift that we are not having to make these decisions in an emergency situation, but we have time to seek the face of God and what His plan is for our family. We have time to seek counsel, from people who work with children whose families are in difficult situations. We have time to talk to our parents about how the logistics will work with Ella and Dude. All in God's time the questions will be answered. He has brought us and Cate this far, our Faith and Hope are in Him who strengthens us and makes all things possible. The path was laid out for us yesterday, know it is time to start coming up with a strategy.
We ask of you, our family and friends, to pray for Ali and I, that we may seek God's desires for our family first and not act on emotion or pressure. That we may seek His wisdom and the wisdom of others that He puts into our life to aid us on this journey. I ask that you pray for Ella and Dude, that they can wrap their little heads and hearts around what our little family will endure as we journey together through this. And finally I ask that you especially pray for Baby Cate, that this surgery go well, with no complications, and that she can return to our family quickly and healthy. We know that we have a tough road to travel ahead of us, but we know that no matter what, God's grace is enough. We love you and thank you for your support and encouragement of our family!

I know I know I know

My wife has been on me for a LONG time now because I have not written a blog. And to be honest I don't know if anyone is even reading it anymore, but I figured I would write one anyway, just to have peace at home. Baby Cate turned 3 months old today! I can't believe how time flys, it seems like only yesterday we were in a world wind of confusion, fear, and the unknown. Now, we are still in a world wind, but it has change quite a bit. The adjustment of going from 2 kids to 3 kiddos has been relatively smooth. Although, I often have moments of sheer panic as I think we have forgotten Cate at the house, grocery store, a family members, or friends. In our house if you don't speak up for yourself you might get left behind, unfeed, unchanged, not put to bed. Of course I am just kidding...a little. On a more serious note Cate has exceeded everyone's expectations. She is truly a delightful child, mainly cause she can't talk back or demand to wear stockings instead of socks, because the "lines hurt her toes." But truly she is a wonderful baby! She eats like a Cantrell that is for sure. She is up to 7 or 8 ounces every 3 hours and when she is hungry she begins the battle cry for attention. Its is kinda like a car starting, she turns the crank just a few times to see if anyone will notice before kicking it in high gear. Like I said around our house, you HAVE to make yourself known! She is weighing in at a whooping 12 pounds and is growing like a weed! She looks just like her Big Sister Ella, so I am going to have SERIOUS problems in about 15 years. If anyone is interested in contributing I am starting my own version of "homeland security" for the Cantrell House complete with Booby Traps, Tazer guns, and Gun Cleaning supplies because it looks like I will have to clean my guns EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT!! Baby Cate has started responding to you when you talk to her, she gets so excited kicking her little chubby legs and showing all her gums. Her last cardiologist appointment was great! She is consistantly gaining weight, her blood oxygen levels are 99% and her EKGs look wonderful. We are in the process right now of trying to get her an appointment at Texas Children's Hospital for a second opinion and even to start seeing a Cardiologist on a regard basis there, before she has her surgery.
As most of you know who have read this blog before Baby Cate, whose full name is Catherine Francis, was named after Blessed Francis Xavier Seelos, who was a redemptious (sp) priest who worked in New Orleans. The Blessed Seelos Shrine has a newsletter that goes out monthly and includes stories from people who have had prayers answered through the intercession of Blessed Seelos. I got a call from the friend of ours who told us about Blessed Seelos, saying that Cate was in the Newsletter. I was like, Really? That's cool. Andrea said, "Charlie, you didn't send it in?" I was like no, I sure didn't. Someone who had read this blog, especially the one about Blessed Seelos's intercession for Baby Cate, had copied it and sent it in to the Newsletter. It did not say her name or anything, I guess cause no one asked, but I could tell by my spectacular writing style that it was in fact Baby Cate. We were so honored to know that so many people from around the world know of Blessed Seelos's intercession for Cate and the miracle it is that she is with us today. His candle still burns in a kitchen everyday and we attribute her doing so well to his constant intercession for little Cate. Ali and I attended a healing mass that they had a the Shrine in New Orleans, where Baby Cate was anointed and prayed over! Thank you Fr. Seelos and all the wonderful people at the Shrine of Blessed Seelos! And to whoever sent in our story!
Please as Blessed Seelos's intercession that we can get an appointment soon at Texas Children's Hospital. We don't won't to have to be making any quick decisions if something were to happen to Cate. Our hope is to get an appointment soon so that we can get under the care of a physician there.
So for a few funny Cantrell Family stories. My little boy, "Dude" is in the middle of potty training right now, which is quite and experience. Little boys are SOOOOO different than little girls. When our little girl Ella was being potty trained I simply pointed to the potty, she got on and that was that. Dude, on the other hand can't seem to locate the bathroom. I leave cherrios trails from every room in the house all leading to the bathroom, I know he will follow food, but even that doesn't work. The other day we heard crying coming from the bathroom and out from the bathroom emerges our son, yes, with his training potty STUCK ON HIS HEAD! Now, what posseses a 3 year old to stick his head in his potty, I have NO CLUE, but he had managed to wedge his fat little head in there, thank God it was empty. Dude, LOVES his little sister, ALOT, it really is precious how he just delights in her. I do fear the day she is in High School and boys won't ask her to a dance because they are scared of him. I always picture the conversation to go like this, Boy 1 says to Boy 2, "Hey, You gonna ask Cate Cantrell to the homecoming dance" to which Boy 2 says, "I've been thinking about it, but have you seen her brother? Jimmy told me he eats light bulbs." Dude, loves Cate, he often wants her to be near him so we have to keep a close eye on him at tall times. The other day we found him dragging Cate by her blanket because she wasn't close enough to the toys he was playing with, thank God her mother swaddles her tightly and we no longer put her on the floor and she is always buckled into to something heavy. Ella, on the other hand is still growing into the fashion diva and is a 17 year old trapped in a 4 year old's body. Its hard to believe we will be registering her for preschool this weekend. This past weekend was Mardi Gras and we, as any good cajuns would do attended, da parade. We were at a friends house that was toward the end of the parade route, so it took a while for the parade to get there. The kids played in the yard and in the van until we saw the first police motorcycle go wizzing by. We gathered up the kids, grocery bags in hand, if your not from Louisiana, you put all the "wonderful" beads you catch at the parade in a grocery bag, and we headed down the street to the parade route. Ella asked, "Daddy, what are all these people doing here?" I told her they were waiting on the parade like us. Well, in good parade fashion, it was no where near close to getting to us. One rouge police motorcycle got us all excited. After about 15 minutes Ella was bored out of her 4 year old mind and the grocery cart man with all the junk that will cost you an arm and a leg for something that mommy and daddy will "lose" in a couple of days, was coming towards us, so I asked her, "Baby, do you want to go back and I will come and get you when the parade gets here? She said yes, and we started walking back to the house hand in hand. She looked up at me and said "Dad, all those people are waiting so patiently for the parade, and I just want it to be here already! Will you come get me as soon as you see the parade." I assured her that she would not miss one float of the parade. Well, needless to say, put a cute little Blonde on the side of a Mardi Gras parade yelling "Throw me something Mister" and they did, we literally had mounds of beads at our feet, by the time we left we had a kitchen bag FULL of beads, stuffed animals, you name it and they threw it at Ella.
The Cantrell's are doing well over all. We have our moments of tiredness and exhaustion as anyone with 3 kids under the age of 4 has, but we are savoring every minute we have with all of them. They are a riches, they are what make us laugh the most, and what we delight in. I apologize for it being so long since the last Blog and it won't be as long before the next one. As soon as we hear some more from Texas Children's I will update yall. I also will be getting some new pictures of Cate up in the next week. We love you, we thank you for your continued prayers and support as we walk this new journey with Cate. Blessed Seelos, Pray for Us!

Just so you know

I just put up new pictures on the flickr account from Ella's 4th Birthday Party and some new pics of Baby Cate. Also there is a new (by new I mean I wrote it Monday) below. To check out the pictures go to www.flickr.com/photos/cantrellkids

love yall

Hard to Believe

As I sit and listen to the noise of a baby swing going back and forth and the sound of little feet running upstairs, with the occasion scream, both from my wife and my other two deliquents, trying to wrestle them into the bath tub, my heart is at peace with the world. Well, Baby Cate turned a month old on Friday. It doesn't feel real, since she has only been home for 2 weeks. She is adjusting FINE to the craziness in our house. Yesterday (Sunday), I was cooking some deer meat for my family to feast on and she was in the kitchen in her swing screaming, at the top of her little lungs, nothing was wrong, she was crying, hungry, dirty, nope, just screaming for the sake of screaming, all DNA testing that I thought about went out the window at that moment, I knew that that was a "pure D" Cantrell kid. She really has been doing very well, she is eating well, sleeping well, well any parents out there know that the word "well" is completely relative and changes tremendously when you become a parent. She seems to be gaining weight, don't know for sure, just because we do not have a scale here, who needs one, they just stress you out anyway. She really is just a great baby, the kind of baby I like, can't move, sleeps alot, doesn't talk back, and eats whatever you stick in their mouth, without complaints. I wish all kids stayed that way, till 21, now there's an idea, I might start a novena for that one. But, seriously, Cate is really doing well, it seems. We go back to the Dr. next week, so I will be updating you on her condition again soon. Ok, so what most of you come here for besides Cate. I seriously get so many comments about our family, and I do not make any of it up, it is to good to make up, and I am a pretty creative person.
The other night we were at a surprise birthday party for a friend of Ali and mine, when Ella asked if she could go to the potty, I said sure let's go. We are sitting in the bathroom, Ella, taking care of business and I am sitting on a stool, when she looks at me and said, " You know Dad, I love these shoes, this skirt, and this shirt together" at that moment I realized that I was going to broke in the next few years, I have a daughter who is EXTREMELY fashion conscious, at FOUR, and another one who came out costing more than my house, just kidding.
Dude, has taking a liking to his sister, one that we must watch CAREFULLY. He has this wooden sword that my mother-in-law, GOD BLESS HER, I love you Cheryl, bought him at the ripe old age of 2. Now, I realize that the many books I have read on raising boys and the masculine heart are true. We found our son the other day, stabbing his ONE MONTH OLD sister with his sword, saying, "I kill Baby Cate," people, we don't watch violent cartoons or movies or regular tv for that matter, I have never threatened to "kill anyone," I might say "damn" every now and then but, I have not been known to threaten to "kill" people, so I have NO idea where he gets this stuff.
Dude was running through the house the other day with his toy gun, yes he has toy guns, he is a boy. Going BANG BANG, Ella and I were sitting on the couch watching this fiasco and I asked Ella, "Ella, what do you think he is shooting at?" She responsed saying, "Deer, daddy, he is shooting deer. I like to eat deer. Sure wish you would kill one soon" Yes, my four year old gave a serious shot to my pride as a deer hunter. So this past weekend I finally killed a deer, brought the head, only the head home. The kids come running to the back door to see the spoils that daddy has brought home. Daddy, is proud of his kill, to which my loving daughter says, "Daddy, that is a small deer, sure wish you would kill a big one" Typical woman, NEVER SATISFIED, they are hard wired from birth, just like little boys.
Final one, then I have to call it a night. I get home the other day and am greeted by the usual screams of, "Daddy's home!" Give hugs and kisses, they go back to playing, Ali and I are chatting in the kitchen, when I see Dude pass heading towards the laundry room, no big deal, nothing sharp, deadly, poisoness, or bone breaking in there, so Ali and I continue talking, after a few minutes I notice its pretty quiet in there. I proceed to the laundry room to find our cat eating quietly out of her bowl and our son, laying down on his belly, licking the water out of her bowl. To which Ali and I did the good responsible thing, laughed, to which he thought was funny, therefore it will happen again! Well, my wife just yelled that my son is peeing down the stairs.
If Baby Cate can survive here, no heart defect will even have even the remotest effect on her! Well, until next time, thank you again for the continued gifts that have flowed into our house and all the thoughts and prayers. We love yall!